


An Angel of the Lord?

by redwolfehunter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Smut, Plus-Sized Reader, Probably ooc, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Smut, Violence, im goin at this blind, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2018-11-05 11:00:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11012097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redwolfehunter/pseuds/redwolfehunter
Summary: Y/N's self-esteem has hit an all-time low while out with the Winchester's and their angel





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know I've been MIA since like October but here I am!! lol
> 
> So none of this will take place by like following the story line of the show, purely because it's easier not to.
> 
> I'm trying something new, so hopefully Castiel will still be at least kind of still in character. 
> 
> ALSO, I gave the reader my body type because I'm selfish and I feel like, while there's a decent amount of it, there should be more "bigger body" acceptance stories, ya dig

You actually loved going to bars. Like LOVED it. Sure, you my have had a slight alcohol issue but with the job you had, it was to be expected. You don't set graves on fire and slice off heads and NOT drink. So here you were, seated in a booth in some run down bar about two miles from your motel, your favorite drink in hand, seated directly across from Sam Winchester and the angel, Castiel. Dean was currently playing pool, which you didn't mind. His pretty face always distracted you anyway. Much like it was now, since you didn't hear a thing Sam had just said to you. You blinked, sitting up straight. "What'd you say?"

"I'm gonna go get another beer." He stood up out of the booth. "You want anything?"

"Hell yeah." You reminded him of what you were drinking and then fell back into your daydreaming about the elder Winchester. You watched as a girl draped herself around his broad shoulders. You sighed. You hated that you couldn't look like her, that you couldn't catch his eye like she did. You hated that you could only wear plus-sized clothes, XL's or larger. Sure you had reasonably large breasts, but that doesn't do much for you when the rest of you is also large. You hated all of it.

"I do not understand." Castiel's gruff voice pulled you from your musings. Your eyebrows drew together in confusion.

"Well, considering I have no idea what you're talking about, I also don't understand." You watched as his eyes scanned the bar, finally stopping on you.

"I do not understand why you're comparing yourself to the female with Dean." Your eyes widened while you looked at him. "I certainly don't understand why you hate your image."

"Were you reading my thoughts?!" The angel shifted uncomfortably in his spot. "Dude! Privacy!" Sam finally came back with the drinks. He looked between you and the angel.

"Did I miss something?" He sat down next to Castiel once again. You shook your head, taking a large gulp of your drink.

"Nothin' important." It was at that moment that Dean came over to the booth, the girl tightly attached to him. He tossed the other set of motel room keys over to Sam, winking as he did.

"Don't wait up." With that, he and the girl both walked out of the bar. You sighed, downing the rest of your drink.

 

You all returned to the motel not long after. You had no idea where Dean had gone but you knew he wasn't next door or else Sam would've been in your room. You just started taking off your shirt and picked up your sleep shirt to put on.

"I still do not understand." You jumped and spun around, trying to cover yourself with your shirt.

"What the hell?!" You were still in shock and couldn't think straight for a moment. You finally blinked and shot him a glare. "What the hell are you doing here?! You can't just pop in like that, Cas!" You pushed past him into the bathroom to finish changing.

"I apologize for startling you. I just do not understand why you were so upset about that girl, and you did not answer me in the bar." You came out of the bathroom and sighed, throwing your clothes into your bag.

"It's not important." You mumbled, sitting on your bed.

"That's not an answer." Castiel sat down next to you on the bed, shifting awkwardly. "I personally quite enjoy how you look, so I don't understand why you don't."

"What?" That caught you by surprise. You weren't actually sure you heard him correctly. But you had.

"I like your body the way it is, Y/N."


	2. Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boys are stupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still just wingin' this story lol
> 
> The reader is definitely based on me (sorry again) and will be unreasonably sarcastic and try to make jokes in almost every situation
> 
> So I definitely listened to Call Me When You're Sober by Evanescence when writing this (cause it's so goooood) so there's the motivation

"Your body is perfect. It was created-"

"Oh come on dude...don't...with the 'my father's image' nonsense." You groaned, wiping your hand down your face. Castiel's brows furrowed.

"I would not call it nonsense, Y/N, if it is the truth." He came closer to you. "My father made you, and everything he makes is a masterpiece." You snorted.

"Well if EVERYTHING he makes is a masterpiece..." You huffed out a small laugh, heading to your bed. "This masterpiece wants some shut eye, so I need you outta here, alright Flutters?" He frowned at you shortly before disappearing in a sound of rustling.

 

Your living situation was best described as uncomfortable. You weren't really a hunter per se, so constantly traveling wasn't in your cards. But you weren't obviously your average person. So now, as a hunting researcher, you were staying in the bunker. Temporarily. Not that you didn't like it there, especially with that sweet library, but...temporarily.

Currently you were seated at the table in the war room, Sam next to you and Dean across from you with an almost empty whiskey bottle in front of him. "Wasn't that bottle almost full this morning?" You didn't look up from your book as you asked Sam.

"Yep." You huffed a small laugh. This wasn't entirely uncommon.

"One of those days?"

"You guessed it."

"I can hear both of you, ya know." Dean sent a half pout/half glare to you and his brother. "It is not 'one of those days' you dicks."

"Then why is that bottle almost gone at 9 p.m.?" Sam let out a chuckle at Dean's version of a bitch-face. Sam shut his laptop, standing from his chair. "I'm going to go get drunk like a normal person."

"At a bar so you can get laid?" You grinned as he winked at you.

"You guessed it." With that the younger Winchester was gone, leaving you alone with a very drunken older Winchester.

 

Time had gone by. The bottle was completely empty now and you could feel his eyes on you. You closed your book and stared back at him. "What, Dean?"

"Wanna have some fun?" He had lopsided smile on his face as he leaned forward. You quirked an eyebrow at him.

"I never really thought you'd ask. I do happen to have a vintage copy of Candyland in my room that I can grab." You laughed, half at your own joke and half at the displeased look on his face. He stood from his chair, stumbling around the table to pin you in yours. You could smell the whiskey radiating off of him and scrunched your nose.

"You know what I meeaaan, Y/N." He sent you another smile, face getting closer to yours. "Come on, you've been so uptight lately. I know it's been a while since you've gone a round with someone so how 'bout we get you back in the saddle." Your face flushed first with embarrassment but then changed to light anger. You put a hand to his chest and pushed him back so you could stand up.

"Oh piss, is this really what's happening right now?" You shook your head at his confused face. "I don't need any pity sex, Winchester. Especially not when you're drunk as hell and don't mean it." You pushed past him, heading to your room. He followed you a little ways before catching your arm in his hand.

"This is what I'm talking about, Y/N. You're too uptight. Who cares if you're not my type or if I mean it or not? I'm offerin' to make ya feel great." You were actually angry now. What a jackass. You spun to face him, yanking your arm out of his grasp.

"Ya know what, Winchester, you're not gonna remember any of this is in the morning because of how shitfaced you are." You slipped on a sickeningly sweet smile. "Why don't we just keep your offer on the table and you'll just call me when you're sober."

 

You slammed your door when you reached your room, locking it behind you. Your heart was beating as fast as it does on the few hunts you've been on. You never expected to be the one turning down THE Dean Winchester, but here you were. You were proud of yourself and beating yourself up for turning him down. It had been a while since you had been with anyone but you didn't care, until he said something. You flopped face first onto you bed, groaning loudly.

"Why turn him down if you like him?" You jumped, pulling your gun from under your pillow and aiming it as you flipped onto your back. You let out the breath you had been holding, putting the gun back when you saw that it was the blue eyed angel.

"Fuckin' hell, Cas. You can't just pop up like that." You sat up, sending him a small glare. He gave you a short nod.

"I apologize. However, my question still stands." You sighed, rubbing your hand over your face.

"He's shitfaced and offering me pity sex." You laughed, scratching your head. "Wow, that's a lot more embarrassing the longer I think about it."

"But isn't sex just sex?" 

"No, Cas, there's a lot of kinds of sex." You rolled you eyes when he cocked his head at you.

"So this...what you called, um, 'pity sex' is not what you want?" You shot him a thumbs up.

"Bingo. Look, I'm not meanin' to make it seem like I want him to profess his love for me or anything. Far from it really." You flopped back against your pillows. "I don't even give a shit if he's drunk, or if it's a one time deal. I just don't want it to be like it was tonight, ya dig?" He was silent for a moment.

"Yes, I suppose I 'dig'." He seemed completely uncomfortable while saying it, making you smile. "Are you still upset about not being...his type?"

"Oh god, are we back on this?" You sat up with a groan, watching as he frowned at your use of his father's name. "We already discussed that I don't like my body and you do since it 'your father's creation' or whatever." You air quoted, causing him to pull his brows together. "Who cares? We already passed that topic."

"I care, Y/N." He stepped closer to your bed. "And I do not pity you." He took a few more steps, bringing his face close to yours. Your eyes widened in confusion. "So would you have sex with me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment ideas and everything! 
> 
> Also, I always hope for my reader-inserts to be somewhat relatable lol so I hope I am succeeding


	3. Hallelujah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where things get interesting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something to know is that I listen to music quite frequently lol  
> It's what most often inspires me
> 
> Also, I know I'm mixing verses lol i thought these fit best

You stare back at him, unsure of what was going on. You swallowed. "I..uh...not now, Castiel."

"Oh. You do not find me attractive." The angel's eyes flicked away from you as he stepped back. You hurriedly reached a hand towards him.

"No no! No, Cas, it's not that." He looked back at you. "I do think you're attractive, but right now isn't a good time. I'm, uh, a little tired and a lot confused, ya dig?"

"Yes, I..." He cleared his throat. "Dig."

"Cool, dude." You gave him what was supposed to be a nice smile but was more awkward than anything. "Let's keep that offer on the table."

 

You slowly made your way to the kitchen the next morning, sleep fighting to take you back to your room. You finally made it to your destination, immediately heading for coffee. Your eyes darted over to the elder Winchester that was sitting at the table. He looked like a wreck. "Mornin' princess. Sleep well?" You used his own endearment against him as you leaned against the counter.

"Don't." Dean groaned, glaring at you. "Why did you guys let me drink so much?" You laughed.

"Like we could've stopped you." He took a huge swig of his coffee. "Giant's not back yet?"

"Nope. Can't even remember when he left." He huffed a humorless chuckle. You knew that's how it would be.

"I'm sure he'll be back soon." Almost as if on cue the bunker door slammed shut. "See?"

"Guys!" Sam came bursting into the kitchen, startling both of you. "Get packed. We got a case."

 

"But why do I have to come?" You groaned from the backseat of the impala. Sam turned to look at you, sighing dramatically.

"Because this is a weird case, and we need as much help as possible."

"Then call your angel." Dean gave a short snort, followed by a "not answering." You huffed. "I'll only be able to help with research. I'm no match for a bunch of witches."

"There's only three of them." 

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better." You rolled your eyes. You were gonna be killed. You could feel it.

 

When it came down to showtime, the boys were unreasonably unprepared. Castiel still hadn't shown up yet and the boys had only managed to kill one of the witches. And you, well, you were already thrown halfway across the room once. You tried running at one of them again, almost reaching her when you were thrown back again, and this time you felt something break. Your arm was killing you and you hadn't gotten up yet. Your vision was slightly blurring, partially from pain but also, in your defense, the abandoned house was very dimly lit. It was suddenly as if everything was in slow motion.

_Well, it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth_  
_The minor fall, the major lift_  
_The baffled king composing Hallelujah_

"Dean!" You moved your head to see Dean knocked back by one of them, Sam running to check on him. Your head felt fuzzy and all you could do was pray for Castiel to arrive. You tried to get up but, as you told them before, you weren't cut out for this fight. Your arm stung as you tried to get up, only making it into a sitting position.

"Sam, watch out!" You heard your voice leave your body, yet didn't realize you had said anything. Sam turned just in time to fight back against the witch that had closed in on him. And finally you saw him.

_Maybe there's a god above_  
_All I've ever learned from love_  
_Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you_

Castiel had managed to kill the witch as though it was nothing. Her body dropped to the floor. Now there was only the one. Something wasn't right. The last remaining witch didn't look afraid and she didn't try to run. You knew something bad would happen at any moment. You forced yourself onto your legs, falling back against the wall but staying upright.

"Good try, angel." You couldn't believe what you heard or saw. She knew Castiel was an angel. She wasn't afraid. She was grinning. And that's when you saw it. That's when you ran.

_And it's not a cry that you hear at night_  
_It's not somebody who's seen the light_  
_It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

You didn't know what it was. You didn't know what it would do. All you knew was that it couldn't hit Castiel. You ran as fast as you could, calling his name as you went, trying to get him out of the way. You saw whatever it was fly from the witch's hand. Then you watched whatever it was fly right into your body as you jumped in front of Castiel. All you felt was pain as you hit the ground. All you saw was darkness.

_Hallelujah_  
_Hallelujah_  
_Hallelujah_  
_Hallelujah_


	4. First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been really tired and in a depressed mood lately so I'm having issues with summaries and ideas, so I do apologize for short chapters and stupid happenings

First, there was nothing but pain. It wracked through your entire body. Then, you could hear the soft sound of someone breathing near you. Your eyebrows drew together as you forced your eyes to open. Your head was killing you and the light felt far too bright. It took all of your being to sit up and look around. You recognized that you were in your room at the bunker. You also recognized that there was an angel sitting in the chair by your bed, his eyes closed in thought. Your voice came out, cracking as it did. "Cas?" His eyes popped open, looking directly back into your own.

First, he was suddenly in front of you, his lips pressed against your own. Your eyes widened in shock as you somehow managed to kiss him back. Then, without warning, he pulled away from you. His eyes had filled with anger. "What were you thinking?!" His voice was loud, causing your head to throb.

"Cas, not so loud." You mumbled, putting your hand to your head. He ignored you, now pacing along the side of your bed.

"You could have been killed, Y/N!" You groaned at the volume of his voice.

"But I wasn't, apparently." You grumbled the last bit and received a hard glare from him.

"Your actions were reckless and..." He seemed to be to angry to find the word he was looking for, blurting the first one he thought of. "Stupid! We did not know what she was going to do to me and you just jumped in!"

"She could have killed you, Cas!" You cringed at the throb your own voice brought on. "Like you said, we didn't know! You're more important than I am and I had to make sure you didn't die!"

"You are infuriating!" He brought his hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose and breathing in deeply. He exhaled dramatically, something he must have learned from the brothers. "I find it very frustrating that you think you are unimportant and are willing to sacrifice yourself for no reason. Her spell would have only stopped my power to use my grace for a few hours while it almost killed you." 

"It's not like I new that." You grumbled, looking away from him. His features softened and he dropped his hand back to his side.

"You must be more careful. Your recklessness almost got you killed. Do not do something like that again." That was the last thing he said before he disappeared.

 

You had been alone in your room for about five minutes after Castiel left, and all you could think about was what had happened. First he kisses you, then he yells at you. You wanted to question him but he had left so abruptly. And now, you had two large men barreling into your room. You jumped as you watched the door fly open.

"Cas said you were up." Sam smiled at you from the doorway.

"How long was I out?" You rubbed a hand along your arm. Your head snapped down to look at what was supposed to be broken. Castiel must have healed it.

"About four days." You mumbled an "oh shit" as you stared at them, eyes wide. Dean gave you a grin.

"We just about tortured that witch before she told us what happened. She broke her spell before you...well you know." He came and sat next to you on the bed. "Cas fixed your arm but couldn't really do anything to help otherwise."

"Well I hope you ganked he bitch." You grinned at both of the brothers, knowing they had finished the job. Sam laughed, shaking his head at you while Dean grinned back.

"Oh, you know it, sweetheart. Nobody messes with our girl and gets away with it." You scrunched your nose at the term, looking to Sam.

"That was kinda weird, dude." The younger Winchester snorted. Dean rolled his eyes, getting up and elbowing Sam.

"It wasn't weird until the two of you made it weird." He grumbled, walking past Sam to stand in the doorway. You shared a short laugh with Sam before he came over and kissed you on the forehead.

"We're really glad you're okay, Y/N. Try to get some more rest." You nodded at him with a smile, watching as the two men left you alone once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would greatly appreciate suggestions lol like seriously please help lol
> 
> Seriously so sorry for being so short, and I promise to make it up in the next chapter somehow


	5. River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the song River by Bishop Briggs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I tried to make it a little longer but am still having a hard time writing right now. Like I keep getting ideas but they're never good for things I'm already working on lol

You stood face to face with Castiel. You had called him back to you after the Winchesters left you alone again. "You need to be resting."

"Oh shut up." You spat, moving so he was backed against the wall. His eyes narrowed in annoyance. "What the hell was that earlier?"

"I do not..." He trailed off, eyes never leaving yours as he thought back to your previous encounter. "I kissed you."

"Why?" You glared up at him. He rolled his eyes in a very humanly manner.

"Why do you think? I l-" You slapped your hand over his mouth.

"Don't you say it." He grabbed your wrist, pulling your hand from his mouth. "If you say you love me then I'll kill you."

"I do not love you in such a way." Yours was the back against the wall now. He had you boxed in with his body. His mouth was close to your ear. "However, I do like you, and especially find myself lusting after you."

"Cas..." Your face was flushed and your eyes were wide. "You can't be serious." Sure, he had offered to have sex with you, and said that he liked your body, but you weren't expecting the confession. He brought his face down to your level, looking into your eyes.

"Shut your mouth..." His eyes flicked down to look at your lips for a moment before coming back up to stare back into your own. "Or I will do it for you." You swallowed harshly. How could an angel even act like this? It took all of the strength in your body to gather the courage to do it. Your hands fisted into his coat.

"Oh piss off." And brought his mouth to yours before he could blink. His mouth molded against yours in a heated kiss, his hand gripping your waist tightly. Soon his mouth pulled away from yours. Before you could pull him back, his lips were pressing against your neck. "Cas.."

"Shout your mouth." He grumbled against your skin, sending a shiver down your spine. His hands started to travel along your body as his kisses changed to gentle nips and licks along your neck. You gasped as his teeth pinched your skin, his tongue darting out to lavish the wound. One hand tangled in your hair, pulling your head back to expose more of your neck to him. The other went down between your legs, rubbing against your jeans in the apex of your thighs.

"Cas!" His name was a mix of a gasp and a whine as it left your lips. His movements became slightly more rough when he heard his name come out of your mouth like that. His mouth clamped down on the juncture between your neck and shoulder, working the skin over. His hands...his holy hands were roaming you in very unholy ways. This had to make you, and possibly him, a sinner, if you weren't one already. His hands slowly found their way back to your waist as his lips reclaimed yours in a searing kiss.

"Y/N." He pulled back much too early. He looked into your face, watching as your reddened features gasped for breath. His hands stayed planted on your waist as he pressed his forehead to yours, looking into your eyes. "We cannot do anything until you're completely healed. You must rest." He pulled you away from the wall, moving you to the bed. He pressed a short kiss to your lips before you could complain about the current situation. "Rest. I promise I am not finished with you yet." Then only the sound of your breathing and a flutter of wings filled the air.

 

Later that night you had emerged from your room in the bunker to get something to drink, and probably to eat. The Winchesters were both seated at the kitchen table when you walked in. "How're you feeling?" Sam sent you a worried smile.

"Still sore but ya know." You shrugged, grabbing a beer and making a sandwich. You sat down at the table with them. "I'm staying out of the action next time." All three of you laughed softly at that.

"No problem, sweetheart." Dean sent you grin before taking a swig of his own beer. "We did actually just catch wind of a new case."

"But we won't go if you need us here." Sam looked up from his laptop to give you another small smile. "Someone else can take care of it."

"No, go." You gave them a reassuring smile. "I know how to take care of myself and I'll be safe and sound here in the bunker."

"You sure?" Dean's face was sincere as he looked into your eyes. You nodded. "Well then we're gonna need to leave tonight."

"Then go get packing." You took a bite of your sandwich as they got up, both of them taking turns to give you a quick kiss on the head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas for this story then PLEASE comment or something lol


	6. So Many Boys, So Little Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO I am so sorry for being gone for so long! Time has been moving in such a blur and everything is confusing lol
> 
> I promise to update from now on as often as possible on this and for This Is The Easy Part (which I have a wacky idea for and idk if i should do it or not lol)
> 
> ALSO, a big thank you for the suggestions I received! Much appreciated!

When the boys left you had considered going back to sleep, but you had found yourself to be far too restless. You had spent many nights in the rec room watching movies and this was definitely going to be one of those nights. You had seen this move many times but that wasn't going to stop you from watching it now. Moulin Rouge was just one of your favorites. It was the beginning of the Elephant Love Medley when you heard the sound of wings. "You should be in bed resting."

"Cas, I'm tired of resting." You rolled your eyes at the angel as Ewan McGregor sang loudly. Castiel's eyebrows drew together in confusion.

"Why are they singing?"

"It's a musical. That's what they do."

"She does not seem interested in what's going on." You laughed a little.

"That's Satine's character. Christian is in love with her, and she secretly is too, which is understandable." 

"What does that mean?" Cas sat down on the couch next to you. You huffed. 

"Castiel you talked through this entire scene. Just watch the movie." He shifted uncomfortably, turning his attention to the movie. 

Castiel had sat silently as you watched for a while, finally speaking up again when Come What May had started. "So now she loves him." 

"Yes, now hush. I love this part." You waved your hand at him and he quieted down again. At the end of the song you spoke up. "He's just so good. His voice, his feelings for her, all of it. He's definitely one of my favorite characters." 

"Are you attracted to him?" Castiel seemed tense as he shifted next to you. 

"He's a character in a movie, Cas. Now hush, El Tango De Roxanne is the best version of this song out there." 

Two days had passed since you had watched the movie with Castiel. You had been reading up on some lore for a case Sam had mentioned when he called you earlier in the day when your phone had gone off. You expected it to be Sam again but the message came from someone that surprised you and you couldn't ignore it. 

So now you were here, an hour after receiving the message, walking into a coffee shop in a dress you found in the back of your closet. You pulled on the hem of the dress, smiling as your ex-boyfriend stood from the table to greet you. "Y/N, it's so good to see you." He smiled, giving you a small hug before returning to his seat. 

"It's good to see you too, Jake." You sat across from him, pushing your hair behind your ears. "So, what brings you around here?" 

"Oh, just some travelling for work. You get it." You nodded, 'getting it' all too well even if he didn't know that. "I just thought it would be nice to stop and visit while I was in town. It's been so long since I've seen you. 

"Yeah, about three years I think." You gave a small laugh, shifting your eyes away from his. You swallowed, turning your attention back to him. "So works going well, clearly." 

"Yeah! Yeah, it's been great. I'm actually an executive now." 

"Wow that's great! I'm so excited for you." You smiled at him and he returned the gesture. 

"So what about you? What have you been doing, work wise?" You cleared your throat, saying the first thing that came to your head. 

"I work in a private library. It pays surprisingly well." You laughed slightly. 

"That's great, Y/N! You always loved being around books." Jake sent a large grin your way and you smiled back. The look on his face changed slightly as he looked behind you. You looked over your shoulder to see a certain angel of the lord standing behind you. You gave him a glare. 

"Jake, this is my friend Cas. I had no idea he came here; what a small world." You fake laughed, turning your attention back to Jake. "Cas, this is Jake." 

"I'm her ex." Jake gave a small wave to Castiel before checking his watch. He sighed loudly. "I actually need to get back to work." He placed his hand on top of yours on the table before you both stood up. "It was so good to see you again. We should stay in touch." He pulled you in for another hug, kissing your cheek. He looked at Castiel. "It was nice to meet you." Then he was gone. 

"What are you doing here, Cas?" You walked out of the shop, the angel right behind you. 

"Why did you meet with your ex-boyfriend?" You rolled your eyes. 

"He just wanted to catch up. It's none of your business." You continued to walk towards the bunker. 

"You're my business." 

"I am not your business unless I'm in danger." 

"You still haven't recovered completely." You sighed loudly. 

"I feel fine, Castiel." The two of you walked in silence after that, but it didn't last long. 

"I don't like the way he was looking at you." 

"You were only there for like a minute before he left." 

"I saw enough." You had finally came to the door of the bunker. 

"What exactly do you think you saw?" You pushed your way in, letting him shut the door. 

"He was looking at you like he wanted to have sex with you." You rolled your eyes as you walked down the stairs and into the library. 

"That's ridiculous. He was the one that ended our relationship. You're just imagining things." 

"I heard his thoughts, Y/N. I am not imagining things." You turned to face him, rubbing your hand across your face. 

"You can't just read people's thoughts, Castiel. I doubt you read them right, anyway. He wouldn't be thinking of me like that." He squinted his eyes at you. 

"I know what I heard, Y/N. I did not like hearing it. I didn't like anything about you being there with him." You didn't realize he was backing you up until your body ran into the table. He cornered your body with his. "His eyes upon your face. His hand upon your hand. His lips caress your skin. It's more than I can stand." 

"Did you just quote El Tango De Roxanne?" You would've laughed if his face wasn't so close to yours, his expression serious. 

"Well you find the character so attractive so I thought I might try it out." You rolled your eyes. 

"Cas, he's not even-" 

"Stop talking." He growled, pressing his lips against your harshly. You gasped, surprised by the current situation but not at all disappointed. You had just began kissing back as his hand found his way up your thigh, pushing your dress up, while pushing you back into the table even more. His hand was on your hip, inching closer to where you wanted it to be, when you heard someone clear their throat. You looked up to see both Winchester's standing in the door way. Dean snorted. 

"Get a room."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, so sorry for the inconvenience! Ideas are always welcome for all of my stories and please let me know if you want me to follow through with that wacky idea on my other story lol


	7. When Things Stay Complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking me so long with this. I have not had a huge amount of ideas for it (from my own mind) so I'm definitely going to play with some of the parts from comments I've recieved

You slipped out from between the table and Castiel, tugging at the hem of your outfit to make sure you were covered, a deep blush gracing your features. Castiel looked annoyed by the interruption. "This is technically a room." Sam tried to stifle his laughter, as did you. Dean rolled his eyes.

"You can't have sex outside of your room." Sam snorted at Dean's comment.

"You've had sex in the kitchen." You made a disgusted face. You eat in there.

"Plus, we weren't having sex." You added, trying to save some face.

"Yet." The comment shocked you, most specifically because it came from Castiel himself. You blushed even harder than you had when the boys first walked in. "I must go." The angel was suddenly gone, leaving you alone with the boys. Sam laughed, setting his bag down on the table next to you.

"You look like a tomato, Y/N. It's not a big deal." You gave him a humorless laugh as he sat down.

"Easy for you to say. You weren't the one that got caught." He laughed again, nodding his head. You turned your attention to Dean, who hadn't moved yet. He shook his head like he was trying to clear it, heading into the kitchen.

 

Things had gotten weird since the boys had walked in on you and Cas. Sam had joked about it, perfectly fine, but Dean had been short with you, not fine. You were currently reading a book to help with a possible case. "Hey, Dean, have you gotten anymore information yet?"

"Isn't that what you're supposed to be doing?" His answer caught you off guard, irritating you. You had almost finished the book you were reading and hard already gone through two more before that.

"That's what I've _been_ doing, but I was wondering if you had found anything yet." You couldn't understand why he was acting like that.

"Obviously not." He grunted, thumbing through the book he had. Sam was trying to hide behind his laptop, knowing that you were mad.

"What's your issue, Winchester?" Your words were hard coming out of your mouth. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." You heard Sam mutter an 'uh oh' right after the words left his brother's mouth.

"You're being fucking rude." Dean slammed his book shut, glaring at you. Sam jumped up from his chair, quickly leaving the library. You sent the elder Winchester a glare of your own. "What the hell's your problem?"

"You're my fucking problem." He growled, hitting his hand against the table, making you jump. He stood up, his chair scratching the ground. "You jump at the chance to fuck Cas but you turned me down." You couldn't hide your surprise. Sure it was weird as hell that he was acting jealous, but you couldn't believe he actually remembered trying to get in your pants.

"I don't...what?" You couldn't even get your words out. You were mad and confused. "You were shitfaced that night."

"Not too drunk to mean I didn't want want to have sex with you." You stood up from your chair, eyebrows furrowed.

"I'm not your type, Dean. It was just pity sex." He rolled his eyes, slowly moving around the table. "I wasn't going to have sex with you just because you felt bad."

"I wouldn't have offered it if I didn't want it. Why was it a big deal about me feeling bad or not? Sex is sex." You felt your face growing red with annoyance.

"Because I _liked_ you, you stupid ass!" You spat, turning and walking away from him. He grabbed your arm, yanking you to him and crashing his lips to yours. You were mad at him but couldn't help kiss him back, even if it was just a little bit. He pulled back slowly. Before either of you could say anything else, you heard an all too familiar voice.

"Dean." You saw Castiel standing a little ways behind Dean, looking irritated, almost angry.


	8. I Don't Have A Good Title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll I'm running low on ideas and could really use help on all three of the fics I have going (and definitely some reassurment that yall actually like them lol)

"Cas." Dean turned to face the angel. You were so incredibly confused by what the fuck was going on. You took a small step back, planning how to leave unnoticed.

"What do you think you're doing, Dean?" Castiel's voice was lower than normal.

"I think it's pretty obvious."

"Don't do it again." You weren't sure how to feel about the possessiveness the angel was showing as you continued backing slowly out of the room.

"You don't own her, Cas. Just because you've fucked her doesn't mean I can't." Dean had crossed his arms, not backing down.

"We haven't fucked." Cas almost growled at him. He finally spoke to you. "What are you doing, Y/N." You froze, almost in the hallway.

"Nothing." Your voice was more of a squeak than anything. Dean turned to face you when your voice was farther away than he had expected. "I, um, have to talk to Sam about the case." You fled the room completely before either of them could stop you. You rushed into Sam's room, closing the door and sitting down against it.

"What happened now?" He looked up from his book, giving you a questioning glance. You sighed.

"Let me as you something, Sammy. Are you sexually attracted to me?" He was clearly taken aback but what you said, running a hand through his hair.

"No. I mean, uh, you're attractive, but I'm not, like...I mean there's nothing wrong with you or...why?" You chuckled as he stuttered out his answer.

"Sam Winchester, you're the only one in this damn bunker that's not fucking up my damn life." He scoffed, getting up from his bed and sitting next to you on the floor.

"They mean well, Y/N." You gave him a look of scrutiny. He laughed. "Yeah, I don't know why I said that."

 

You had gone back to your own room after spending a good deal of time in Sam's, not sure how to face Dean and Cas. You were putting up some clothes, hearing feathers rustle behind you. You didn't bother turning to face him, continuing what you were doing. "What do you want?"

"I'm willing to share you with Dean." You scoffed.

"What makes you think I even want to be with him?" You could hear him walk slightly closer to you.

"I read your mind." He stopped you before you could get mad at him about it. "I know you still harbor feelings for him."

"I don't plan on acting on them, Castiel." You jumped slightly when you felt his hands land on you, turning you around. Your eyes widened when you saw Dean standing in your doorway.

"That's not what I was hoping to hear, sweetheart." A small smirk was formed on his features and you blushed. What the hell is happening? He came to stand on your other side, opposite of the angel. "I'll be honest with you, Y/N. You're right when you say that you're not my type, _usually_. But I like you, your personality and everything else. You, as a human being, are my type. I want to be with you."

"I...I don't..." You were so shocked. How were you supposed to handle this? It didn't make any sense. There had to be something wrong. A spell or something. Cas let out a soft laugh next to you.

"He's not under a spell, Y/N." Dean huffed a laugh as well. Your blush deepened and you glared at the angel.

"Stop reading my mind." You grumbled. This was crazy. Castiel brushed hair back behind you, moving closer to you, his mouth by your ear.

"I know what you want, Y/N. I know you want both of us. We will make it work." The angel's lips lightly brushed your skin, finally capturing your own. You felt Dean's lips ghost your neck and your breathing sped up.

"We'll take care of you, sweetheart." His voice was soft against your skin. Castiel broke from your lips, traveling down your neck once again on the opposite side. You were so dazed by what was happening. None of it felt real. Your heart rate had sped up and you knew it wasn't just because of the feelings of the men on either side of you. You felt hands grabbing at your shirt, lifting it some, but your head was too fuzzy to know who.

"S.." You weren't able to get out the words immediately but reached for the hands moving your shirt. "S-stop." You're voice was soft but both men had heard you and done as you asked. Dean's hand cupped your face, his green eyes gazing into yours.

"What's wrong?" You could only just stare at him, pulling a complete loss of words. "Is this about your body again?" 

"Y/N, your body is beautiful. Your size doesn't matter." Castiel's voice was gentle. Yeah, your size was part of it, but that wasn't the only problem. Far from it, actually. "If it's not just your body, what is it?" You hated that he kept doing that.

"I...I can't.." Your mouth felt dry. You had been so confident when it was just Cas, and even when it was just Dean, but this was definitely going somewhere more than just making out and you didn't know how you were going to handle it. Where had all of your courage gone?

"You can tell us, Y/N. Don't be afraid." Dean pushed a stray hear behind your ear. You could tell them some, but you could never tell them all. You couldn't let them find out.

"I-I'm a, uh...a virgin?" It came out more as a question than a statement, even though it was true. Both men were completely surprised. You went on before they could ask question. "I've done stuff, I mean. Always for the, uh, guys though..." Your face was burning and you avoided eye contact with either of them. "That's why I knew you were wrong about Jake's thoughts."

"There's more you're not telling us." You were glad he didn't push the Jake issue like he had last time, but you wished he would've left the rest alone.

"I just want to leave my shirt on." Your voice was quiet and you missed the look exchanged between Cas and Dean. You cleared your throat. "And, um, preferably the lights off."

"Why don't you want us to see you, Y/N?" Dean tried to get you to look at him. You huffed. You were ugly as all hell, for one thing, but-

"Stop that." Castiel's voice was stern, shocking you slightly. "You are not ugly, and it irritates me that you keep thinking that."

"Let us see you, sweetheart." Dean's hands slowly returned to the hem of your shirt, lifting it very slowly so you could tell him to stop. At that point you had just given up. You had lost all confidence in yourself. Every situation you had been in with Castiel before had long flown out the window. You allowed Dean to pull your shirt from you, leaving you in only a bra in front of them. Now their eyes could see almost all of the scars that littered your body, and they weren't from hunting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE please leave comments
> 
> I know i'm stretching everything out but I'm playing true to how I am as a character (since the reader is based similarly to me cause I'm selfish)   
> The next chapter will actually have "things" happening lol


	9. Kiss From a Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay tbh I love this song and was listening to it when I wrote this but it doesn't actually have to do with the chapter

The longer their eyes were on your uncovered skin the more uncomfortable you felt. Not only could they see how fat you were but they could see almost all of your self-harm scars, and there were a lot. You grabbed your shirt, trying to pull it from Dean, but he wouldn't let go. "Dean, give it." You tugged on it harder. His eyes shot up to meet yours. You were startled by the feeling of Castiel's hand on your side.

"These are wrong." You were clearly confused by what he was saying, but soon were reminded when you looked down to follow where his fingers were tracing. You carved the words fat, ugly, useless, and more into the skin of your lower stomach and there were more on your thighs. You didn't know what to say, you had never expected to be found out. 

"Why would you think any of that was true?" Dean's voice was soft as he ran a hand through your hair. You shrugged. He clearly didn't want to hear you say 'because it is' so you just shrugged. You heard Castiel sigh.

"She hasn't been shown otherwise." You weren't sure if he was right or not about that. Maybe so. His other hand cupped your cheek, turning your face to look at him. "We'll just have to show her." He brought his lips to yours in the most gentle kiss you had yet to experience from him. Your eyes fluttered closed as you kissed the angel back. You felt light kisses being place along your neck, jawline, and cheek by Dean. You weren't sure when they had started moving you but your leg had come in contact with the bed. Your lips broke from Castiel's as Dean slowly lowered you down onto the bed. His lips ghosted your skin as your back hit the mattress. You began feeling self-conscious again, trying to cover yourself somehow.

"Y/N, it's okay." Dean's voice was barely more than a whisper as he stopped you from covering yourself up. You still felt uncomfortable but didn't fight him on it. This time it was his lips that claimed yours, gentle but not quite as gentle as Cas. You felt the bed dip with Castiel's weight. His lips trailed down your neck and down your shoulder. His and Dean's hands worked in tandem to get your sweatpants off of you. You broke away from Dean, feeling far too exposed to the two men. More scars were now made visible and you just wished they couldn't see you.

"You are beautiful, Y/N." Castiel's voice was deep but soft and he intertwined the fingers of one hand with yours, stroking your stomach with the other. You took a deep breath, trying to make yourself comfortable with what was happening, or at least a little less uncomfortable.

"Can...can we turn off the lights?" Your voice was shaky. "Please?" Cas and Dean exchanged a look before they both nodded.

"If that'll make you more comfortable." Dean pressed a kiss to your cheek before getting up and turning off the light. You couldn't see very well, which meant they couldn't see you very well. You immediately felt better, physically relaxing.

"Thank you." Your words were just above a whisper. You felt Dean come back to your side. His lips attached to your neck, distracting you so much that you almost missed Castiel removing your bra and panties. Both of their hands slowly skimmed along your body, occasionally stopping, occasionally kneading a part of your body. Their lips kissed and sucked all over your body, leaving you breathless and moaning. You felt a hand slip down your body, between your thighs. You gasped, not evening knowing whose hand it was at this point. The fingers stroked you, dipping inside of you every so often. It was a foreign feeling to have something other than your own fingers down there. You were writhing and moaning beneath the two men. You felt Castiel shift off of the bed, meaning it was Dean that was touching you, making you fall apart underneath him. Castiel wasn't gone for long, however, and he was between your legs when he came back this time. You whined slightly when Dean's hand left you, but soon moaned when you felt Castiel rub himself along your slit. His lips captured yours again as he slowly eased himself into. There was a short burst of pain, that you expected to last longer, but then it was gone and Cas was fully inside of you. His lips broke from yours, kissing the skin around your ear.

"I did not want you feeling anything but pleasure." He slowly pulled himself out before slowly pushing back in, repeating this over and over for you to get used to. You finally adjusted, letting him now he could go faster. Dean's lips claimed yours again, more passionately this time, as his hand kneaded your breasts, travelling along your body as every so often. He let you pull away to moan loudly as Castiel thrust into you faster. You had always been worried you wouldn't like sex, but this was good. More than good.

"You're none of those things, sweetheart." Dean mumbled against the skin of your neck. "You're not useless. You research much faster than Sammy, and normally find better facts." He sucked one of your nipples into his mouth, causing you to gasp. You moaned when his fingers tweaked your other nipple. "You're not ugly, and you're not fat."

"You're beautiful." Castiel grunted, leaning down to passionately claim your lips as he thrust into you faster and faster. You could feel yourself nearing that peak. Dean's hand snaked down your body, rubbing at your clit. You moaned loudly but Castiel's mouth devoured every sound.

"Come on, baby girl. You're so close. Just let go." Dean's voice was low in your ear. You broke the kiss, throwing your head back as you felt your orgasm wash over you. You moaned both of their names, quivering as you came down from your high. Castiel's thrusts became erratic as he grunted your name over and over. He finally slowed down to a stop completely, breathing heavily, slumped over on top of you. He pressed his lips to yours in a short kiss, removing himself from you and moving to clean and redress both of you, bringing you a new pair of panties. Dean brought your lips to his in one last heated kiss, getting up from the bed. You reached a hand out, touching his own.

"Dean...you didn't..." You were blushing, of course it was too dark for them to tell. You heard a soft chuckle come from him and he leaned over, pressing a kiss to your temple.

"Next time, princess. Don't wanna wear you out too much your first time." 

"Can you at least stay with me?" You felt kind of like a child asking, but asked nonetheless. Cas pulled an over-sized t-shirt over your head, covering the rest of your exposed body. 

"Of course. I'll be right back." Dean left the room, leaving you alone with Castiel.

"I hope that was adequate for your first time." You giggled at Cas as he lay down next to you.

"Yes, Cas, it was more than adequate."

"Good. I am glad." He placed a kiss to the top of your head as you snuggled up against him. "I can stay for a little while, but then need to take care of some things."

"I understand. Thanks for staying for a little while."

"Of course." It was a little while before Dean rejoined you, and you were close to being asleep when he came back. The bed dipped with his weight. You could feel the soft material of his pj pants as he got comfortable beside you, throwing an arm over your waist.

"Get a good nights sleep, princess."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE leave comments!! Thanks dudes


	10. Now a Real Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends. I chose to update this chapter instead of writing a new one so I could keep the comments
> 
> I just want to say that I absolutely adore all of you. You all left such nice remarks and I just really really appreciate it.
> 
> Like I appreciate it a fuck ton lol
> 
> So I've decided to keep writing and only take small breaks whenever I really need them. College is really stressing me out and then there's a whole lot of other shit goin down but I'm gonna keep up on this stuff and not let yall down lol

When you woke up the next morning, you weren't sure if last night's activities were a dream. But the heavy arm across your side let you know that it was, in fact, real. Dean was sleeping heavily beside you but Castiel was gone, which you had expected. You carefully slipped out of bed, heading into the bathroom. You blushed when you saw the marks that littered your skin. You turned on the shower, quickly undressing before stepping under the water.

When you reentered your room, Dean was nowhere to be seen. You assumed he had probably done the same as you. You left your room, heading into the kitchen. Green eyes met you when you entered the room. You were surprised when Dean's lips pressed to yours in a short but sweet kiss. For the second time this morning, a blush graced your features. "Mornin' sweetheart."

"Oh, uh, hey." You didn't miss the faces Sam and Dean made as they tried not to laugh at you. You made a bowl of cereal before sitting down next to Dean. "Leave me alone, I'm still getting used to this." Dean grinned at you as Sam finally let out a chuckle.

"I'm just glad you guys are finally together. You both were driving me crazy." You both sent him bitchfaces, making the giant chuckle again. "I'm just saying. Anyways, are you coming with us?"

"Going with you...?" You looked at them both expectantly.

"We found the info we needed for the hunt." Dean rested his arm on the back of your chair. "I wasn't sure if you'd want to go. Especially considering last time." You definitely remembered what happened the last time you went on a hunt with them. You hated witches.

"I wouldn't mind getting out of the bunker. But I'm not going on the hunt itself. I'll just stick to the behind the scenes help."

 

It only took the boys a couple of days before they took out the rougarou. That meant you could now go out for celebratory drinks. You were climbing out of a booth in some small bar in some small town in Montana. You headed to the bar to get refills for you and the boys. As you waited, you felt a presence very close to you. You turned to see some random man standing very close to you. "Hey there. How about you and I get out of here."

"No thanks." Everything about this guy told you he was a fuckboi, from his baseball cap to his jeans tucked into his boots.

"Come on. I can make you feel great." You rolled your eyes, picking up the drinks.

"I have a boyfriend."

"Yeah right." The guy snorted. Your face flushed in annoyance and your eyebrows came together in anger. You suddenly felt a hand fall on your shoulder. You look up to see Sam. The guy snorted again. "Is he your "boyfriend"? You must be paying him a shit ton, chubbs." You could feel Sam tense, but you stepped in front of him to keep him from doing anything. You could handle this.

"The only thing I'm paying him to do is not beat your ass so I can do it myself." The guy scoffed.

"Fatass bitch." Then he was gone, back to his group of friends. You sighed, turning to Sam. He looked a mix of worried and furious.

"You should've let me handle him, Y/N. He's lucky I came to help with drinks instead of Dean or Cas." You handed him his drink, sighing again.

"I've heard worse, Sam." You were glad he started following you back to the table and didn't go after the guy. "Let's just not tell them about it." He nodded. You climbed over Dean, sitting between him and Castiel, who apparently had nothing more important to do than be with you three. Sam still looked frustrated and you could see Castiel looking between you two.

"What's eatin' you, Sammy?" Sam just shrugged at Dean's comment but you knew that wasn't the end of it. While you knew to keep your thoughts blank, Sam had no idea the angel would be looking through his mind. You felt the angel go stiff next to you and you knew he had found what he was looking for.

"It's not a big deal, Cas." You quickly turned to him, putting a hand on his chest. When he looked at you his normally bright blue eyes were stormy with anger. You felt Dean tense on the other side of you.

"What happened, Cas?" His voice was gruff. You should've known this was going to happen. Castiel was telling him before you could stop him. You immediately grabbed Dean's arm to make sure he didn't go anywhere. He did not like hearing that.

"Dean, don't-"

"I'm gonna kick his fucking ass!" Dean slammed his hand on the table. You held onto him tighter.

"I already took care of it. It's not a big deal." 

"Y/N-" You cut Cas off before he could say anything else.

"Seriously. I don't want any of you doing anything stupid. It's no big deal." You turned to look at Sam. "Why don't you and Dean go play pool. Chill him out a little." Sam nodded and stood from the booth. Dean grumbled but also got up, following his brother. You sighed, leaning on Cas.

"You should have-"

"Sam already said that, Cas." You looked up at him. "I've heard worse. It really wasn't a big deal." 

"I don't like your reasoning." You sighed. However, you didn't have time to answer him.

"What the fuck did you say?!" Followed by the crashing of a table had you scrambling out of the booth and towards the commotion. A table was broken and Dean was on top of the guy from earlier, landing his fist repeatedly into his face.

"Dean!" You rushed forward, pulling at his body. "Dean, stop!" Sam helped you pull him off the guy, your hands on Dean's chest to keep him from doing anything else. "What the fuck?!"

"He deserves more than that for what he said." Dean's voice was low as he glared at the bloody mess of the guy.

"What could he have possibly said for you to try to kill him?!" He looked away from you, looking at Castiel. You glared at the angel, knowing he and Dean were having a silent conversation based on the anger that graced the angel's face once again. "No, Castiel. Both of you just get out of here." You pushed on Dean's chest.

"Y/N-"

"Go wait in the parking lot." Both men looked reluctant to do as you asked, looking behind you once again before doing as you asked and leaving the bar. You sighed, running a hand down your face as you turned to face Sam. "Did you hear it?"

"I didn't. He came up, said something, and then Dean lost it." 

"Great. Can you do damage control while I go handle whatever the hell happened with those two?" Sam gave you a small smile, nodding. You headed out of the bar, walking up to the boys. "Cas, zap us back to the motel." 

 

You had been pacing the room, occasionally opening your mouth to lay into him before closing it and shaking your head. Castiel was standing while Dean was sitting on the edge of the bed, both of them watching you. You finally stopped, facing them. "What the hell were you thinking?! You could've been arrested! You could've killed the guy!"

"You didn't hear what he said."

"Then let's hear it." You crossed your arms. Now neither of them would look at you. You rolled your eyes. "Come on. If it was that bad then spit it out. Help me understand why you thought it was okay to go apeshit on some civilian."

"No way I'm lettin' you hear it, sweetheart." You narrowed your eyes, opening your mouth to say something but Castiel cut you off.

"It doesn't matter if you think you can handle it, Y/N. You can't. He deserves even more than what Dean did." You ran a hand over your face in annoyance.

"You can't just go around beating people up because they said something you don't like. You could've been arrested, Dean." You started pacing again. "God, you guys. I'm fat. It happens. People say shit all the time but you don't see me-" Dean's hands landed on your arms, stopping your moving. You hadn't even noticed him get up.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone as far as I did, but he couldn't get away with that shit." You opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off by pressing his lips to yours. He pulled back, looking into your eyes. You jumped when you felt Castiel's hands land on your waist, his lips lightly pressed to your cheek.

"We're very protective of you, Y/N. None of what he or anyone else says about you is true." You relaxed a little. You knew Dean was just trying to defend your honor or some shit. You sighed.

"Just...next time let's avoid breaking anything. Tables and bones included." Dean chuckled, smiling at you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise to keep up on this stuff 
> 
> Okay, so I had an idea. I think it would be hella cool for all of us to get to know each other. Like as a commnity. So, as my friends only know I write and don't know what exactly it is that I write (and I wanna keep it that way), please feel free to leave twitter/instagram/tumblr info and I'll find and follow you. DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED TO DO THIS lol it was just an idea I had
> 
> It will be pretty easy to tell it's me that followed you because my names on those are just absolutely ridiculous. So if you're followed by something stupid then it's probably me lol
> 
> Oh, also, I know I'm a little late to the party but it's a hella important subject so:  
> #MeToo


	11. The Reckless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't read the updated chapter 10 then pls do! Also please refer to those chapter notes
> 
> It's 1 am and I'm running a fever lmaoooo but I wanted to write so I'm really sorry if this is really fucked up lmao

You hadn't been feeling well lately. You just hoped to god Dean wouldn't catch whatever it was that you had. He was the worst when he's sick. Sam had been the one taking care of you most of the time, just in case. You were currently curled up in a blanket on the couch of the den, watching Netflix movies. A little time went by before Dean came in, sitting next to you. He hadn't been there long before the movie ended. "Let me find something for you."

"You really think you can find something for me?" You gave him a smirk. He clicked through the movies, finally stopping on the animated Hercules. "No."

"What? You love Disney. And I've seen you watch this before." You sighed, shrugging your shoulders.

"It makes me sad. It makes me think of Meg." Dean sighed.

"You barely knew her, Y/N. Plus, she was a demon."

"She loved him, Dean."

"Demons don't love. They especially don't love angels." You huffed, sitting up all the way with a frown.

"You weren't there. And what about Crowley, huh? He was constantly babbling about love after the human blood shit. She loved him."

"Even if he did, she's a demon. She was horrible."

"Even Sam admit that she changed. Castiel trusted her. Did you even tell him?" Dean wouldn't look at you. You huffed. "He doesn't even know. He probably loved her too, ya know? He probably thinks she's still out there."

"Alright, alright. We should have told him. But she-"

"She deserved better. She and Cas should be together. She should be here." You didn't realize your eyes had gotten teary. Dean sighed loudly, pulling you into him. 

"I know you miss her but she's gone. Just try not to think about it."

 

Castiel hadn't been around for a while but you couldn't keep away from him when he showed up. Thankfully you weren't sick anymore, even though you were sure angels couldn't get sick. His hands had been all over you, his mouth claiming yours, your breath coming out in pants. You had only just come down from your high as his back hit the bed next to you. You hated that you were still thinking about this but you couldn't help it. You turned your head to look at him, his gaze meeting yours. "You want to ask me something."

"Have you ever been in love?" It wasn't often that you got to surprise him, but when you did it was almost nice. His features pulled together in confusion and he frowned.

"I...well...why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering." You felt nervous? You didn't really know why but you did. He sighed, no longer looking at you.

"I believe I have been." He paused, looking back at you again. "I haven't heard from her in a very long time."

 

And that was how you got here. In the essential dungeon of the bunker, while the boys slept and Cas was gone. You hadn't done this without Sam's help before, but you had to. You said the words, hoping to some higher power that this would go the way you wanted. Based on the annoyed grumbling you heard in front of you, it had. You looked up from the text to see a specific King of Hell in the trap. "You could've just called, love."

"Is Meg still alive?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments!!
> 
> Sorry if you don't like this, and I swear it won't effect the Reader/Cas relationship, but I love her and miss her and would give my actual life for her


	12. Somewhere Only We Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dudes! I'm gonna try to get back into writing frequently again
> 
> Tbh I've been having a fucking Bad time lately lol like do i wanna die??? who knows not me
> 
> But like i've been super struggling and it's so annoying lmao like i've been uninterested in like everything i love and can't seem to be happy for like extended periods of time and hooooo boi college is not only kicking my ass but i'm being like double teamed by life as well
> 
> So here we go my guys *finger guns* sorry for unloading my feels on y'all

On your resume you were going to start including that you could take supernatural beings by surprise. Crowley seemed to be at a loss of words, which is something you had never experienced with him. "Meg is very much dead, Y/N. Moose saw and told you."

"But you're the King of Hell. You easily could've made it just seem like she's dead." Crowley crossed his arms, cocking his head a bit.

"Why are you suddenly so interested, love?" You sighed loudly.

"Just tell me." There was silence between the two of you for a long time. Finally he spoke.

"Yes, she's alive." He let out an annoyed sigh as your face split into a grin.

"I fucking new it! This is good. This is really good. Okay!" You ran a hand through your hair, laughing. "Take me to see her."

"Absolutely not." Your smile fell when he spoke. "She's not leaving Hell, and you're not going there, alive anyway." You frowned. "Now tell me why you're so interested in her." 

"You wouldn't understand." Crowley quirked an eyebrow at you and you sighed, rolling your eyes. You shifted, crossing your arms. "Actually, you should understand it since you went on some crazy emotional rollercoaster during the human blood thing. They deserve each other. They're in love and they need to be together."

"Are you talking about the little angel?" He chuckled. "Even if you think they 'belong together', or however it was you put it, it will never happen, pet." 

"I want to see her."

"No."

"I'll make you a deal." He perked in surprise. "Not my soul."

"Love, you have nothing else I would want."

"I'll give you some of my blood." Once more he was taken aback. "I know you loved the stuff, and I have a lot of it. Just give me some time with her and I'll give you my blood."

"How much are you willing to give?" You hadn't thought this far in all honesty. 

"For you to take me there, let me talk to her for...thirty minutes, and bring me back here immediately and safely, I will give you three syringes of my blood. You can have them all at once or collect over time." You weren't sure if this was going to work. He had been quiet for a long time.

"Alright, darling, I'll accept your offer. Let's seal the deal." 

"Shaking hands. I don't trust your soul snatching lips." Crowley laughed lightly at your reasoning, extending a hand. 

"Just this once." You took his hand in yours, sealing your deal. "Now let me out so we can get this over with." You had just finished letting him out of the trap when a large body came bursting into the room. 

"What the hell is going on?!" Dean still looked half asleep, but the confusion mixed anger was clearly on his features. Before you could explain yourself, Crowley had the two of you out of sight.

 

Hell wasn't nearly as scary as you had imagined it. There was no fire and the screams of agony sounded really far away, so that was a plus you guess. After trying to keep up with Crowley for what felt like ages, you finally came across a deadbolted door that had two demon guards posted outside of it. "This feels a bit drastic." 

"Can't take chances, darling." One of the lackeys unlocked and opened the door, revealing what you would've assumed was an empty room had there not been incredibly inappropriate insults coming from somewhere inside. Boy did you miss her.

"Meg?" You stepped into the room, seeing her in the corner to the right of the door. She was in worse shape than she was when the boys had found her with that god-awful blonde hair. A lopsided smile graced her face.

"Well, what the fuck are you doing here, cubby?" You couldn't help but smile at the pet name she had given you, which had admittedly taken a while for you to like since her reasoning behind it was because you were "chubby and cuddly like a bear cub". It wasn't as endearing as Clarence, but you finally liked it. 

"I made a deal to come see you. I knew you weren't dead." You heard Crowley's cellphone continuously ringing in the hall until he finally answered it. "Ya know, Cas really misses you." She snorted.

"I figured Clarence would forget about me once I was dead." You shifted uncomfortably and she tilted her head. "He doesn't know does he?"

"Dean never told him." You sent her a sheepish smile. "Which is good since you're not dead." 

"Don't be stupid, Y/N. I'm not getting out of here." You opened your mouth to argue but she cut you off. "Plus, I can tell you've gotten yourself into something with Feathers." You blushed slightly.

"It's unfair that you can just know that." You both laughed at that. You sighed. "I miss you."

"Of course you do, I'm a pleasure to know." She grinned at you. "I can't believe you made a deal with that ass just to talk to some garbage demon."

"I would've just called but I don't have your number." You sent her your own grin. "It's just some blood. You missed that phase, but Crowley got addicted to human blood. It was wild." You both heard Crowley still on the phone arguing with someone.

"Tell Deano I said hi, cause I'm sure that's who he's talking to." You sighed. You knew you would get an earful when you got back, and you were sure Dean had already gotten Cas to the bunker. You weren't sure if it had been thirty minutes but you knew you had to get back soon. Crowley finally got off the phone giving you an exasperated look.

"They're gonna kill me." You couldn't help but laugh, and Meg joined it. "I wish I could take you with me."

"Yeah, well..." She sent you a small smile as you walked back towards the door. "Don't do something stupid like this again, cubby. And give my best to Clarence." With that you had following Crowley back down the hall, one syringe of your blood gone, and were sent back to the bunker.

 

"What the hell were you thinking?!" You assumed this is how you would be greeted on your return. You were now sitting at the table in the library while Cas, Dean, and even Sam paced all around you.

"I just-"

"You ASKED to go to Hell! Who in their right mind asks to go to Hell?!" That one took you by surprise. You were pretty sure all three of them had essentially asked to go at some point.

"You three." 

"Don't turn this around! Seriously, Y/N, what the fuck?!" Dean hadn't stopped yelling since you had gotten back. Cas hadn't said a word yet, which did kind of scare you.

"I wanted to see her! She was my friend!" 

"She was a demon!"

"You never liked her! What, were you jealous of how much we liked her?!"

"I didn't like her because she was a demon that tried to kill us on multiple occasions!"

"Well who hasn't?!"

"Both of you stop." Castiel's voice startled you. His demeanor was calm, but his eyes were as stormy as they were in that bar, or like when you got hurt on that hunt. "What you did was incredibly dangerous, Y/N. How could you be so stupid to make a deal with Crowley?"

"It's not my-"

"It doesn't matter if it's your soul or not. Never make a deal with him. That was so stupid and so dangerous. I can't believe you could be-"

"That stupid? Yeah, I got that." You shoved yourself out of your seat. You knew what you were doing when you did it. They've done way worse, every single one of them, so how dare they. You started storming out of the library, stopping just for a moment. "Meg says hi, and sends Clarence her best."

 

You had isolated yourself in your room, locking the door after you had slammed it hours earlier. Of course, Cas could just zap himself in whenever he wanted, but he hadn't, which was good. They had done so many more dangerous things than you ever have, and, somehow, this was a surprisingly low risk situation. Your soul was still yours, you made sure your safety was essentially guaranteed, and really the only thing you lost was and will be some blood, and not from an injury. You just wanted to see her. You just wanted them to be together. You just wanted Cas to be happy. "You make me happy." The gruff voice startled you, but you didn't bother looking at him.

"How long have you been listening?"

"A while."

"Then you know everything I have to say to you."

"I do." The two of you were silent for a long time. "I don't need her to be happy."

"You love her."

"Yes, well, I shouldn't."

"She loves you." He didn't respond to that one, almost like he was trying to ignore it. To act like you hadn't said it. Maybe it's easier to deal with loving a demon when you don't think the demon, who in all fairness was supposedly dead and/or just ignoring you, doesn't share your feelings. "I saw how you two made each other feel. I mean, I only saw a little bit, but still. She made you so happy."

"You make me happy now." He sat on the side of your bed. "You also make me furious." You heard the slightly playful tone in his voice as he said it and you couldn't help but give a small laugh. There was another short silence between you.

"I really was being careful. I knew what I was doing, I knew the risks."

"I know."

"I liked seeing her. It made me think of when everything was easier." 

"She said something like that to me once." 

"I know." You had been there when she said it. That was not long after the boys took you in. "Dean's just jealous that you like her more than him."

"Is he?" Castiel's mouth turned up on one side in a small smirk. You couldn't help but smile.

"Definitely. He's always wanted to be your number one, for, like, ever." That one earned you a full smile from the angel, your angel. "Did he ever stop yelling?"

"It took a very long time." 

"I guess I expect nothing less from him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an exam at 9 am and it's 3 am rn so this is what I did instead of sleep in preparation 
> 
> I'll try to update everything more often but you know I'm a trash person so *makes mediocre guitar sounds from mouth while playing air guitar*


	13. Not A Real Chapter But Look I'm Alive!!!

Hey guys I'm soooo fucked up lmao. College just started back up literally today and I'm already stressed lol

I have so many WIPs I want to get back to but also I want to actually do well this semester but ALSO I have to work at my very physically laboring job as often as possible so WELCOME TO MY HELL BOYOS

So please please PLEASE give me suggestions for this work and for TITEP so I can actually update both of them. Plus I'm a stupid idiot that wants to start a new fic w Crowley/Reader as the main pairing??? I hate myself like I can't even finish current WIPs and I wanna add another lol

 

Also, pls wish me luck in my ASL class because I'm so scared but so excited at the same time lol

Love ya'll!!! xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for being so short but I'm extremely tired and will update soon with something much longer, I promise.  
> I'm gonna try to stay up with posting and stuff again. 
> 
> Also, to everyone upset about the ending to Young Hunter, I too am upset that I cut it so short but I will not be fixing it. I was at a very rough time in my life when I wrote that ending and I don't have the heart/energy to fix it so I deeply apologize.
> 
> As always, please leave comments and such and tell me how you feel, give suggestions, or even request for me to write something!!


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